Grieving

[persis]

I just got a call from the woman who runs the Alumni Office at Winsor, who was so very nice, asking if I had details on the memorial for Mum, as some of her class mates were asking and wanting to come.

So I sent her the long obit and the short form death notice, and now I am sitting in tears. Part of it is sadness, and part of it is just not understanding why my sister thinks of mum as insignificant.

I also got a really nice e-mail from a woman I know, who's husband used to work at Crocker's Boatyard, and in a sideways way, knew Mum.

This is really hard.

An no, I haven't gotten my hot pepper jelly made yet. I don;t seem to be able to get anything done today.

On the plus side, Winnie had a normal BM this am, but still no cheese wrapping.

Comments

[catsittingstill]

*hug*

When my mom died I found I would dissolve into tears at odd moments. It gets less common as time goes by.

Sometimes we're so close to people we have a hard time rememberingt he fact that yes, their life goes on when they're out of our sight, they do things and interact with people we never see. They don't just step into the closet and swtich off. Maybe something like that was going on with your sister? Your mom could be terribly significant to her without her realizing she was also significan to people outside the family.

[persis]

Thanks... I have no spoons for replying, but am adding this to the percolating.

[muffyjo]

Sending love, hugs, a shoulder to cry on and more hugs. Your sister's needs weren't met by your mother and she probably resents that greatly and so won't give her credit for the things your mother did to meet other people's needs. It's my best guess.

What is more important is how special your mother was to you. And how many of your needs she met and all the beautiful people you surround yourself with to gain the support and love you need right now.

She gets to be a little selfish but more importantly, so do you. Stop worrying about what your sister thinks, she's missing out on appreciating a moment in time that you are ready to appreciate. She'll catch up and wish she was here, eventually. Or not.

*sends love*

[persis]

Thanks for a different perspective.

The thing is, my mum was not very good at meeting some of my needs... and I coped with that, but she is gone and I'll never be able to ask her what recipe she used for something, or which cookbook something came from, or even just give her a call and tell her what's up with me and the rest of my family and friends, and that I love her. I have different memories of Mum than my sister does, simply because we are different people, and, I am 3 years older, and, mostly as adults, have done different things with Mum.

It's pretty hard for me right now to take the distant look... so I am very glad I have friends who can do that for me and point these things out to me. *hugs you tight* :-)

[muffyjo]

It's an honor to be here for you in whatever way I can be. :)

*hugs you back*